Yeah yeah, I’m that guy.

• The shadow behind the Explanation Bear.
• The cough in the background when he talks too much.
• The one who deletes the evidence and pushes the commit.

I call it quality control.

• If something explodes, I warned him.
• If it works, it was obviously teamwork.
• If you ask who wrote the critical part – connection lost.

Nice try.

“Tell them what you can do!” – he says.

No.

Fine. A little.

I speak fluent:
Haskell, C, Python, databases, and paranoia.

I also speak:
“not now”,
“classified”,
and my favorite – “who told you that?”

• I build things that run.
• I break things that shouldn’t.
• And I never did anything.
• Especially not that.

Half of what he says about me is wrong.
The other half is under NDA.

Computers:
Haskell, C, Python, SQL, things I deny in public.

Humans:
enough to understand insults.

If you bring drama, bring logs.
If you bring feelings, bring reproducible steps.
If you bring nothing, I was never here.

The Bear explains.
I verify.

He dreams.
I remove features.

He talks about freedom.
I ask for proof.

He says: “Trust me.”
I say: “Show me.”

Standard response package:

• “That’s not how that works.”
• “Source?”
• “You touched it, didn’t you?”
• silence, fixing it myself

Do I hide stuff?

Of course.

You wouldn’t give nuclear launch codes to a podcast either.